I never felt like I belonged. I was the single outcast in my little boondock bubble of a high school and one of the only asians in my class. Sure I naturally stood out in a sea of semi-natural blonds, but I also tried to be as invisible as possible. It was a defense mechanism. I never branched out, never was part of the debate team, nor the band, nor participated in any sports. I wasn't even sure if people would remember me at my high school reunion. I wore glasses and had braces, though I was never unfashionable. =)
So I arrived with the jitters and shakes, holding tightly onto my accomplice's arm, Margaret. We ascended the steps to the bar in the dimly lit restaurant and as soon as my feet touched the ground, I saw a familiar face approaching, equipped with hugs. It was a warm welcome and a good sign of things to come. The rest of the night buzzed on with a blur and countless bursts of excited greetings and shouts of recognition.
We did our best to invoke the names of those not present and those worth re-mentioning, updated each other on everyone's current status and reminisced about how life used to be; tragically adolescent. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who felt like I didn't belong. Almost every single person that I spoke to said they were the outcast. As hard as high school was for me, it must have been just as hard for everyone else; all in their own unique way.
I downed too many drinks and had to relinquish the driver seat to Margaret. All in all it was a beautifully memorable night. More memorable than most because it was filled with so many more pockets of memories. All that awkwardness, unknowing, and potential...there was finally closure and it came in the form of an enormously jolly night that filled me with so much happiness that I wanted to hug everyone in the room...
Save the assholes who used to be 'the jocks' in high school. They'll always be assholes.
6 love letters:
I won't get to experience something like this for many more years, since I'll only be graduating high school next year. It seems like there are so many things that I'll be able to look back on as significant, but for right now they seem like such big deals. Crazy stuff!
Alright, glad I was wrong :)
what a wonderfully thoughtful post! it's funny to think that almost everyone felt like an outcast in high school, merely because at that age it's so hard to have a sense of self. glad you enjoyed yourself!
I'm really happy I found your blog today. I've been having a bad day and i've spent most of the day thinking about how I fit into the category of "outsider" at my school. But your absolutely right. Everyone in their own way is an outsider I hope I have the same experience at my high school reunion
arielle - embrace your outsider-ness. it's what makes you you. =) too bad i didn't realize this in high school and just aimed to be nothing instead. lol
and then again, how you perceive yourself can be totally different from how others perceive you.
In high school, i dated someone that was quite popular...but i never understood why he choose me. i kept insisting he made a mistake. we soon broke up after, but i'm pretty sure its because I chose my own predisposition and not because he thought i was an outsider or else he would have never noticed me in the first place.
i hope your day is better tomorrow.
Great post! My HS reunion is this summer. Twenty years- should be interesting... You are a great writer.
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