Sunday, December 27, 2009

Spotted: Jimmy Choo Karina Knockoffs!

The faux:

$32.80 at Forever21

The original:
$657 at Net-a-porter

Would you buy the real or fake?

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

winding down

a little too early to be winding down, considering it's not even Christmas Eve yet, but I finished all my shopping early that all there is left to do is wait.

wait for the right time to give. wait for them to open it. wait for their reaction. wait for the year to reset itself.

having spent a good amount of my life time in waiting rooms before, i've learned that the best thing to do while waiting is to get enraptured in a book. and to put yourself in a position where you cannot see the clock. and to pretend you don't have a blackberry. rather than being a distraction, my blackberry only makes me more jittery.

and as the decade is coming to an end, i am inundated with countless 'list of the decades' every where I go:, new york times, to name a few. "Movies of the Decade." "Books of the Decade." "Songs of the Decade." This could go on forever, and who are these people to be so presumptuous to be telling us what our preferences of the decade should be?

And what is with the human need to be constantly archive things hierarchically? Why is it always a competition?

I digress.

I hope your year was full of progress, full of revelations, change, and evolutions. Happy Early Christmas and New Years!

Monday, December 14, 2009

let it

Longing, by Sara Teasdale

I am not sorry for my soul
That it must go unsatisfied,
For it can live a thousand times,
Eternity is deep and wide.

I am not sorry for my soul,
But oh, my body that must go
Back to a little drift of dust
Without the joy it longed to know.

I don't know how some people live without ever letting themselves experience the full spectrum of emotion that life has to offer. They shelter themselves through fear, religion, or hate. Do they think they were put here on this earth merely to avoid all earthly pleasure and pain? Why fight so much? What are you fighting for?

How can one let such things allude one for so long? It's almost an insult to the host. Life will break you. The things that hurt you and nourish you will evolve you if you let it. It's a shame to go through life asleep, unaware of what you can become when you hide sheepishly behind the fear of the unknown. Life is so ugly, but so beautiful at the same time. And I think the moments when it hurts you, those are the moments where you have the most to gain.

But it's such a shame...

on the steps of a palace

when I was in high school and hated my little farm town that my family had moved me to, I rebelled by listening to korean music. odd girl.

I got this random trance cd, and there was this beautiful song with a girl speaking over it, saying 'ask the wind, the birds what time it's time to get drunk!'

Today, about 5 years (add or minus a few) later I finally found out what she was reciting, and I was relieved to know it wasn't Korean engrish:

One should always be drunk. That's the one thing that matters. In order not to feel the horrible burden of Time, which breaks your shoulders, and crushes you to the ground, one should be drunk without ceasing.

But on what? On wine, on poetry or on virtue, as it suits you. But get drunk.

And if sometimes, on the steps of a palace, on the green grass of a ditch, in the lonely gloom of your room, you wake up, the drunkenness already abated or completely gone, ask the wind, the wave, the star, the bird, the clock, everything that flies or groans or rolls or sings or speaks, ask everything what time it is; and the wind, the wave, the star, the bird, the clock will answer: 'Time to get drunk. In order not to be the martyred slaves of Time, get drunk. Get drunk ceaselessly. On wine, on poetry, or on virtue, as it suits you.'

He's a fascinating man. I always find indulgently decadent people intriguing. It's probably because I try to be the same way. Equating passion to drunkenness. Dionysus would be proud.

Hedonism is the only way to go in this world for you only live once. But better yet, you only die once.

Monday, December 7, 2009

FOR SALE: gently used Chanel Beige Single Mini Flap

Just in time for the holidays, I just bought this Chanel bag at from their "Now or Never Sale" and now I'm selling it to you! I bought another Chanel that I liked better from Neiman Marcus. Below are images and descriptions from Portero.






# of interior pockets



Chanel Made in France; Portero Certified






5.75 inches (h) x 8 inches (w) x 2.5 inches (d)





Accompanied by

Certificate of Authenticity; Dust Bag

Interior lining

Beige Monogram Fabric


Single Flap; Twist

Handle Drop

9 inches


By marrying classic design with modern elements Chanel has built a reputation for creating pieces that withstand the ultimate test - time. Indulge in the infallible style of an iconic classic, with this Chanel Single FlapMini Shoulder Bag. Bathed in beige lambskin leather, this bag showcases the trademark stitch design. The hardware is done in silver. The silver chain and beige leather straps makes this bag easy to carry by hand, under the arm and over the shoulder. The single flap with interlocking CC twist closure secures the beigemonogram fabric interior that boasts one zipper pocket. Bag is accompanied by a Chanel dust bag and Chanelauthenticity card.

This bag is in good condition. The exterior is in good condition with staining and press marks. The hardware is in very good condition with minor scuffing. The straps are in good condition staining and wear. The base and corners are in good condition with scuffing along the bottom four corners, staining on the base and press marks. The interior is spotless.

Est. Retail Value $2,395.

Sale Price: $1,598
You Save 33%; $797.00

I only accept paypal.

Shipping charges (based on United States Postal Service prices) and paypal charges applies. Will ship internationally. Contact me only if you are serious about purchasing:

Friday, December 4, 2009

i promised him i would go to bed

...right after we got off the phone. but i had to post this:

"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No… don’t blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn’t sound very exciting, does it? But it is!" -Captain Corelli’s Mandoli

Thursday, December 3, 2009

life will break you

I've been driven to misanthropy. I think it's from the constant contact with others. Growing up, I've always been pinned as a social butterfly. My reputation proceeds me sometimes and I didn't mind that strangers would say my name and how they've heard about me somewhere, somehow.

But then from all that socializing comes the inevitable drama. I avoid it like the plague, but it seems that in order to interact with others, one must also accept the possibilities that those interactions can one day grow stale or sour. They will betray you, annoy you, hurt you, and lie to you. They will steal from you--maybe nothing tangible, maybe it was your trust.

One part of me wants to continue to socialize and another part of me, that comes from being painfully perceptive, just wants to be a hermit forever. Never to have to deal with the anxiety of hosting a party, never to feel left out from group outings or 'the loop', never to feel the looming threat of fading friendships or of being forgotten entirely again.

and then I read this quote. And it woke me up.

"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could." -Louise Erdrich (The Painted Drum: A Novel)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Jimmy Choo's Karina Studded Heels

The shoe of the season from Jimmy Choo are on sale right now for $657. Down from $1,095

Someone hold me back.

Books for Everyone

For the Fashionista:
The Sartorialist, photographs by Scott Shuman

For the Kitchen Goddess:

For the Intellect Soul Searcher:
The Red Book, Carl Jung translated.

The Untamed:
Fire, Anais Nin

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Hope you are full

I hope everyone had a wonderFULL Thanksgiving! and for those doing Black Friday shopping tomorrow, I hope you get whatever you like.

I did a little shopping early and bought myself these Bailman inspired boots from Marciano. Right now everything in store and online is 25% regular priced and 60% off sales merchandise. Enjoy!

If you shop at Neimans, spend $100 between 9am and noon, and get a $50 gift card.

I'll be heading off to New York in the morning. We will be having our first Thanksgiving dinner together (even if it is the day after) and in place of turkey, we will be having wagyu beef burgers.

We've never been very conventional.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Van Gogh's Letters

For the first time, all of Van Gogh's 902 letters (to and from) have been translated into English and available at your fingertips for free at

In between your food coma this Thanksgiving, give it a read.

You will learn that Van Gogh was a spiritual and highly introspective artist. He knew he was fated for madness and he accepted it. His madness was part of his craft. He frequented brothels in Arles, France, more than a few times a week.

In his later years Van Gogh slipped into a deep depression and was self-admitted into a mental hospital. His last letter was found in his pocket, written to his brother, on the day he shot himself in July 27, 1890. He died two days later.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

living out of a suitcase

when splitting your life between two cities, it is vital to have a quality suitcase in which to live out of. the kind of suitcase that can take the constant pushing and shoving. the mishandling's. the always being full or overstuffed, yet magically, always under-packed.

this past weekend "was wonderful," as someone else uncharacteristically (longest word ever with 8 syllables. wow.) stated. we spent the weekend at a cute little hotel in DC and hardly went out at night, against the will of friends. when we ate, we ate entirely too much. and drank with just about every delicious meal. no, brunch is not too early for a glass of riesling.

it's only been two weeks since we've last seen each other and it feels like a billion years. i had almost forgotten what it felt like to kiss him and the feel of his skin. what did it feel like to have him look at me? i've never needed anyone this much. and not in the same way as the "Honey, I need you to change my tires or carry my bags" need. but the "I sleep restlessly without you next to me" and "I need to feel your weight on me" kind.

So every time we were in some sort of euphoria this weekend, he would urge me to "Remember this moment. Hold on to it for me next time you feel sad."

and I'm trying my best to, and it's only Tuesday. Two more days to Thanksgiving and awkward holiday moments with relatives.

But this year will be different. I can already feel it.

you and me both

love this girl

I grew up in North Highlands (a part of Sacramento). It is a
disenfranchised, lower-to-middle class neighborhood. I never allowed myself to
be a negative product of that environment. I used it as a source of inspiration
to challenge myself. I began college in August of 2005, balancing school and
work seven days a week. Around this time I started thinking about pornography as
a career opportunity. I have a huge appetite for sex and self-exploration. I
wanted to express my sexuality as a strong woman, to push my own boundaries and
see which part of my psyche would take me to my next euphoric sexual experience.
I wanted to do all of this in a sex positive way. Despite the controversy that
surrounds this industry, I felt I could ultimately bring an enigmatic quality to
it. I decided that if my instinct continued to push me toward the reality of
this, and the dissatisfaction with my education continued, I would seize the
opportunity on my own. I began my research that month, making my decision
absolute in October 2005. On April 17th, 2006 I moved to LA, got tested at AIM
and found an agent. I performed my first sex scene on May 1st, 2006 in The
Fashionistas 2: Safado. Although I have come a long way since then, many people
in society believe that I am a victim. I was not sexually abused. I am not on
drugs. The acts I perform are always consensual. I am a woman who strongly
believes in what she does — it is time that our society comes to grips with the
fact that "normal" people (women especially) enjoy perverse sex. I hope to
inspire people from all walks of life, and to collaborate with innovative
individuals (bohemians welcome). Many people mistake this thought and believe
that I desire all women to do porn and fuck like rabbits, ignoring all health
risks. This is not what I preach or believe. Like any business, I take risks in
my profession. Anyone considering porn as a career should be fully aware of
these risks before jumping in. I am ready to take on any opportunities and
challenges that face me as a woman, porn star, and artist.

Lotta Continua,
_Sasha Grey

Thursday, November 19, 2009

So very confident I made the right choices. But you never know until you look back.

Cannot wait for the lover to arrive tomorrow! We got a room at the Donovan House for the weekend. A little mini vacation not so far from home.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

why we cannot forget

Everything is biographical, Lucian Freud says. What we make, why it is made, how we draw a dog, who it is we are drawn to, why we cannot forget. Everything is collage, even genetics. There is the hidden presence of others in us, even those we have known briefly. We contain them for the rest of our lives, at every border that we cross.
Divisadero (via smut-to-go)

Sex could kill you.

Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you’re lifting three times your body weight. It’s violent, it’s ugly and it’s messy, and if God hadn’t made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago.
Dr. Allison Cameron, House

lady gaga - bad romance / acid trip

where to do i begin? the imagery in this video is so powerful. a monster coming out of her coffin or is that her pod? A monster comes to life. Then a dark princess in her black crown contemplates her reflection. Later she stands in a suspended cage of diamonds.

it gets more intense from there. lady gaga becomes the sacrificial lamb to bed the man with the golden chin. she wears a robe made of fur from a white tiger, its head still attached to the robe's train. she stands gracefully before a white bed as it is set ablaze. meanwhile, her gilded faced friend burns alive.

sounds a little whack doesn't it? sounds like an acid trip materialized into music video form.

and that makes me wonder; if we all had the money to carry out the quirky little (drug induced or not) visions in our heads, what sort of glory would we come up with?

lady gaga's tattoo

lady gaga is a genius.

in german, her tattoo read:

It says, ‘In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer, and ask yourself, must I write?


sometimes you need an ocean

so many wretched things have been happening lately and the one who takes the grunt of it all is the one who cares the most. it seems almost unfair doesn't it?

they always say, "I need a vacation," or "I need to get away...", "Need to escape," when things get unbearable. I know in the end, we just run into ourselves, no matter where we go.

but it does help to put some physical distance between yourself and whatever ails you. sometimes you need an ocean, sometimes you just need the sun.

winter is so goddamn dreary.

i think if i could see the eiffel tower light up at night, i'd be a lot happier and the fact that my balenciaga is ruined, and my car is dented, or that my hair is jet black ugly would be as minor as a paper cut. a great big band-aid in the form of a magical city to settle my soul.


I don't know you or your social setting but I know what it feels like not to fit in. So if you have grown up in a culture where people are mean to each other, and say things behind your back, and where you cannot trust your friends to be there for you no matter what, and where your family is putting constant pressure on you to become something they can parade around their social set like an object, and if you feel that they don't see you for who you really are, and they don't respect your thoughts unless your thoughts conform with theirs, and if you sometimes feel like they don't even like you, the real you, like the real you is just some inconvenient outgrowth they wish would disappear so the you they prefer would be all they have to deal with, if throughout high school and college all you've heard is that it's important to secure a good, solid, high-status place in society and that this need should dictate your choice of profession, your clothes, your car, your house and your mate, and if you really cannot imagine just saying what you actually think because of this, then the pain of doing something that people disapprove of is a good pain.

The pain of saying, "I do not think I even belong in this group," is a good kind of pain. The pain of being alone is a good pain. Once you start feeling this pain, you start realizing who you are.

So while there are risks, and while you may inflict some pain, I think it's likely that the pain you will inflict by telling the truth is a good kind of pain, and it may even be a kind of pain that your friends will be grateful to you for inflicting.

Don't count on it.
Don't count on getting rewarded for telling the truth. But if you think deeply about the risks, and about the ultimate necessity of finding out who we really truly are, I think it's likely you will conclude that it's worth taking a few risks, and perhaps causing a little pain, in order to tell the truth.
i still don't know how to follow my own advice for one of my closest friends is getting on my dearest nerves and I don't know how to tell her that her tactics are irritating.


need a break from life.

Monday, November 9, 2009

where have all the good people gone?

does any one have an intelligent opinion any more?

with facebook, twitter and gchat statuses on overload, every one feels the need to say something about everything, but what I find is most of them are just speaking out of their asses.
please excuse my french.

most of the time we're just retweeting or requoting, rephrasing, reaffirming what was just said. which takes little to no braincells. but where has our wit gone? it seems as if along with our credit, our intellect has also taken a nosedive. and what do we have left if we don't have our wit? Hope? Hope is so boring when it is delivered without eloquence. hope is debased when it is trivialized by the staleness of cliches.

anything is boring when it is delivered without eloquence for that matter. and by eloquence i do not mean big words or embellishments. eloquence is honesty. and when spoken from the heart, it can never be unoriginal. Those who simply know how to copy and paste do not know how to speak honestly. it's insincere.

i gripe about the digitalization of social networking, because i see it do more harm than good to most of my contemporaries.

There is a serious lack of someone with a strong opinion among my peers (lack is very different from none). Everyone wants to stay neutral. Those people are endlessly boring.

wake up. be passionate about something. anything.

don't be afraid to offend because as long as you speak from the truth, and not from fear, inexperience or a place of mal-intent, you can't be faulted for being passionate.

and someone please challenge me with an intelligent conversation/discussion. im so sick of these twits who spit out their nuggets of stereotypes and try to pass it off as intelligent observation. stereotypes come from inexperience and limited exposure to the real world. ever noticed when people generalize they always give this preface, "Usually [insert grand ignorant generalization here], except for your case, but usually, [reassert narrow minded assumption]." ? And so if 10 people were to make a misinformed statement about the same topic and proceed to say, "Except in this/you case," what does that say? They are living in denial. They know the "exception" that rules out their argument, but they refuse to believe it as a norm and sleep better with the idea it's an anomaly.

something ignorant heard recently, in summary:

"You can f*ck up as much as you want with your guy friends, we'll always take you back. Girls aren't like that with each other. Their friendships are transient. Dump one, get a new one, dump one, get a new one."

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

birthday dinner

this is the last post about my birthday! I promise!

One of my girlfriends made this all by herself!

Ice cream cake in Rocky Road flavor from the boyfriend and cupcakes from Magnolia bakery in Baby Jade and Rose Pink color from my other girlfriend.


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

another quiet night

Not really. My friend, Mr. Saylor once again hosted his infamous Rocktoberfest soirée. This time the party was at the elegant Mandarin Oriental Hotel. Perfect setting for a bunch of rock stars. The host provided everything one could ever ask for; endless amounts of food including sushi, burgers, fries, a variety of desserts, krispy kreme donuts, and Vitamin Water to help with the hangover we were sure to have with the numerous open bars.

The kicker; the host reserved a posh salon (Immortal Beloved) for the whole day for his guests to enjoy complimentary hair and make up! He sure knows how to treat us.

The stylist was AMAZING!

We started the party early.

This was the inspiration board.

The spacious airy salon.

My girlfriend's rockstar hair.

I've never had this much volume in my hair.

My other girlfriend who opted for something more daring. sort of David Bowie-esque.

We did a little shopping before the party.

Getting ready.

We arrived to this!

They had tattoo artists there to draw temporary tattoos on guests.

We were so excited about dessert.

The Redskins Cheerleaders put on a show for us. They were gorgeous!

The end.