Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
For the first time, all of Van Gogh's 902 letters (to and from) have been translated into English and available at your fingertips for free at www.vangoghletters.org.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
when splitting your life between two cities, it is vital to have a quality suitcase in which to live out of. the kind of suitcase that can take the constant pushing and shoving. the mishandling's. the always being full or overstuffed, yet magically, always under-packed.
I grew up in North Highlands (a part of Sacramento). It is a
disenfranchised, lower-to-middle class neighborhood. I never allowed myself to
be a negative product of that environment. I used it as a source of inspiration
to challenge myself. I began college in August of 2005, balancing school and
work seven days a week. Around this time I started thinking about pornography as
a career opportunity. I have a huge appetite for sex and self-exploration. I
wanted to express my sexuality as a strong woman, to push my own boundaries and
see which part of my psyche would take me to my next euphoric sexual experience.
I wanted to do all of this in a sex positive way. Despite the controversy that
surrounds this industry, I felt I could ultimately bring an enigmatic quality to
it. I decided that if my instinct continued to push me toward the reality of
this, and the dissatisfaction with my education continued, I would seize the
opportunity on my own. I began my research that month, making my decision
absolute in October 2005. On April 17th, 2006 I moved to LA, got tested at AIM
and found an agent. I performed my first sex scene on May 1st, 2006 in The
Fashionistas 2: Safado. Although I have come a long way since then, many people
in society believe that I am a victim. I was not sexually abused. I am not on
drugs. The acts I perform are always consensual. I am a woman who strongly
believes in what she does — it is time that our society comes to grips with the
fact that "normal" people (women especially) enjoy perverse sex. I hope to
inspire people from all walks of life, and to collaborate with innovative
individuals (bohemians welcome). Many people mistake this thought and believe
that I desire all women to do porn and fuck like rabbits, ignoring all health
risks. This is not what I preach or believe. Like any business, I take risks in
my profession. Anyone considering porn as a career should be fully aware of
these risks before jumping in. I am ready to take on any opportunities and
challenges that face me as a woman, porn star, and artist.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Cannot wait for the lover to arrive tomorrow! We got a room at the Donovan House for the weekend. A little mini vacation not so far from home.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Everything is biographical, Lucian Freud says. What we make, why it is made, how we draw a dog, who it is we are drawn to, why we cannot forget. Everything is collage, even genetics. There is the hidden presence of others in us, even those we have known briefly. We contain them for the rest of our lives, at every border that we cross.
from Divisadero (via smut-to-go)
Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you’re lifting three times your body weight. It’s violent, it’s ugly and it’s messy, and if God hadn’t made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago.
Dr. Allison Cameron, House
so many wretched things have been happening lately and the one who takes the grunt of it all is the one who cares the most. it seems almost unfair doesn't it?
I don't know you or your social setting but I know what it feels like not to fit in. So if you have grown up in a culture where people are mean to each other, and say things behind your back, and where you cannot trust your friends to be there for you no matter what, and where your family is putting constant pressure on you to become something they can parade around their social set like an object, and if you feel that they don't see you for who you really are, and they don't respect your thoughts unless your thoughts conform with theirs, and if you sometimes feel like they don't even like you, the real you, like the real you is just some inconvenient outgrowth they wish would disappear so the you they prefer would be all they have to deal with, if throughout high school and college all you've heard is that it's important to secure a good, solid, high-status place in society and that this need should dictate your choice of profession, your clothes, your car, your house and your mate, and if you really cannot imagine just saying what you actually think because of this, then the pain of doing something that people disapprove of is a good pain.i still don't know how to follow my own advice for one of my closest friends is getting on my dearest nerves and I don't know how to tell her that her tactics are irritating.
The pain of saying, "I do not think I even belong in this group," is a good kind of pain. The pain of being alone is a good pain. Once you start feeling this pain, you start realizing who you are.
So while there are risks, and while you may inflict some pain, I think it's likely that the pain you will inflict by telling the truth is a good kind of pain, and it may even be a kind of pain that your friends will be grateful to you for inflicting.
Don't count on it. Don't count on getting rewarded for telling the truth. But if you think deeply about the risks, and about the ultimate necessity of finding out who we really truly are, I think it's likely you will conclude that it's worth taking a few risks, and perhaps causing a little pain, in order to tell the truth.
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