Wednesday, June 30, 2010

your intuition

is all you have.

And it is never wrong.

Monday, June 28, 2010

another favorite

She is so talented! I love this picture by her, because only she can capture it this way.

The dress I wore is the same one Audrina wore on an episode of The Hills.
If you are in DC and want to get your hands on it, hurry over to Rue 14 before someone snaps it up!

the lookbook

images from the look book that I helped put together for Rue 14. I was responsible for getting the models, photographer, make-up artist and also styling the outfits. it was a lot of fun. hopefully we will work with the same people again.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

stab me in the heart!

I just died. Alexander McQueen fall 2010 accessories. Oh this is glorious. I just died again.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

sweet wednesday

i like to wish that in my previous life i was marie antoinette. not because of the title (but who doesn't want to be queen) but purely for the decadence and the mysterious aura that surrounded her

let them eat cake.

cheers to your wednesday.

let the world change you...and you can change the world

-From the movie "The Motorcycle Diaries"

Go into it fighting to stay true to yourself and you will only be fighting yourself. (For rooted within all of us is a desire to grow, change and better ourselves.) And your fall will be even deeper, but perhaps, more poignant in its own way.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


trying to look cute while really sweating to death in this sweltering heat. pretentious.

Monday, June 21, 2010

good relationship vs. bad relationship, and how to tell the difference

I am not the relationship standard for what is healthy, but I do know there is a universal 'goodness' and 'badness' factor that lies in all healthy and unhealthy relationships from my years of dating. Let my mistakes be your gentle guidance.

Bad - you omit stories from your past and/or your current activities as to avoid having to deal with his/her reactions. You accept issues in your relationships as 'the way things are' and bite your tongue when something bothers you.
Good - you can tell each other anything, including if you still talk to your ex because you feel like you have nothing to hide from each other. you have open communication and are able to bring up issues as they arise without fear of judgement, retaliation, or blame deflection. your partner listens intently and tries their best to understand without taking offense.

Bad - you feel like you have to lie, sugar coat or say what the other person would like to hear
Good - you can be honest in your opinions

Bad - you always do what he/she wants to do, but never the other way around
Good - plans are made together

Bad - you only see your friends when she/he is out of town, busy with his/her own plans, OK's the crowd or gives you permission. and your friends have given up on inviting you out because they know you won't show up.
Good - you see your own friends a reasonable amount and so does your signification other with his/her group of friends. you don't miss big get-together's for reasons such as "Oh, my gf/bf is tired/doesn't feel like going/doesn't want me to go"

Bad - every since your relationship, you've had to cut off communication with certain friends, no matter how platonic you were with them, because your significant other did not approve.
Good - you still talk to all your regular friends just as much as before the relationship and manage to keep up with the major going-on's of their lives

Bad - fights happen on a regular basis and anything can trigger a full out break-up. for example: you didn't call, check-in, missed his/her call, dinner with the boys/girls ran late, unintentionally say something hurtful, neglected the small details, forgot to wash your hands... you get the point.
Good - fights are rarely ever fights. They are discussions and usually are resolved as soon as the issue is brought up.

Bad - you can only have fun when it is just the two of you, no other parties involved. when there are, it's usually awkward, or you both put on difference faces, hold back a bit, or have a hard time being yourselves. 
Good - you have fun no matter where you are, with whoever; be it stuck in line, hanging out with friends, or sitting in a taxi. It's always good.

Bad - your bf/gf doesn't make an effort to get along or get to know your friends.
Good - your gf/bf gets along with your friends and they actually are becoming friends as well.

Bad - you guys don't go on dates anymore, or dress up for each other (ever).
Good - sometimes you don't need anything to realize just how lucky you are, but he/she still makes an effort to surprise you with something sweet

Bad - they keep tabs every little sweet gesture, good deed, gift, or favor that they ever did for you, and sometimes bring it up to make you feel bad for failing return the same gesture
Good - they do things without expecting anything in return and will never mention it again

Bad - there is nothing else going on in their life outside of this relationship other than work (ie, friends, socially, etc). and you'll be damned if you do and they do not because they will make you feel like hell for preferring to live your life than spend every waking hour with them.
Good - your significant other has a life outside of your relationship, but there is a good balance between friends, family and love.

Bad - you are staying because you don't want to hurt them
Good - you are staying because this is what you want

did i miss anything?

Sunday, June 20, 2010

All your tomorrow starts here.

"She seems so cool, so focused, so quiet, yet her eyes remain fixed upon the horizon. You think you know all there is to know about her immediately upon meeting her, but everything you think you know is wrong. Passion flows through her like a river of blood. 
She only looked away for a moment, and the mask slipped, and you fell. All your tomorrows start here." 
— Neil Gaiman (Fragile Things)

I never thought I could fall more in love with him than I have already. But this weekend proved me wrong. I couldn't bear to leave, laying there on this chest. Nothing mattered except the softness of his skin and how well our bodies just fit together. It was then that I knew that is where I belong for the rest of my life.


"There are a hundred things she has tried to chase away the things she won't remember and that she can't even let herself think about because that's when the birds scream and the worms crawl and somewhere in her mind it's always raining a slow and endless drizzle. 

You will hear that she has left the country, that there was a gift she wanted you to have, but it is lost before it reaches you. Late one night the telephone will sign, and a voice that might be hers will say something that you cannot interpret before the connection crackles and is broken. 

Several years later, from a taxi, you will see someone in a doorway who looks like her, but she will be gone by the time you persuade the driver to stop. You will never see her again. 

Whenever it rains you will think of her. " 
 Neil Gaiman

Friday, June 18, 2010

the hundred dresses

I read a book in elementary school called the Hundred Dresses
And it was beautiful and sad at the same time.

It's truly magical and I highly suggest you read it. 


One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon-instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.
— Dale Carnegie

Thursday, June 17, 2010

good friends, good company

This past weekend I had the pleasure of helping a friend put together a look book. She owns a chic clothing boutique in Washington, DC called Rue 14. This all happened one day after a photoshoot I did with the talented, Stephanie Chung. It's funny because I just met both of these individuals and have gotten to know them pretty well just this year. 

Stephanie was looking to expand her portfolio, and being a patron and admirer of her work, I wanted to help her get all the exposure that she could get. Rue 14 is now on it's second year since opening up in 2008, and it's business is blossoming. It's hard for a small boutique to flourish, but with sweet managers like my friend, it's easy to build a strong following and gain business purely from friendly service and word of mouth.

I admire and respect both of these women. Not only that, circumstances have put us together to become fast friends. I wanted to offer my resources in any way that I could, so that was when this look book idea took flight. 

Amy, one of the models and also my closet friend (I was a bridesmaid at her wedding!), and me.

One of things I enjoyed the most was the people whom I got to work with. The models I worked with were all my friends, personally, and I wanted to also offer them the opportunity to gain some exposure, or at least have fun playing dress up. It's so fun working with your friends! We caught up, but then I also got a chance to admire their beauty through Stephanie's lens. 

This may sound funny, but I think all my friends are beautiful in their own unique way. One of the models was a friend whom I had gone to high school with. She has the most stunning features and sharpest cheekbones! We haven't seen each other since high school, so I was a bit nervous about reaching out to her for the shoot. When she arrived, it was like old times in science class again. 

This is us walking towards the outdoor garden shop across the street to shoot the first set of looks. 

We just picked out our favorites from the proofs yesterday and the pictures look stunning! I can't wait to show you guys.

Above is a little polaroid collage that sweet Stephanie put together of behind the scene stuff. Mixed in there are models and some staff members from my organization, Fashion Fix. I had so much fun working with such nice people and continually feel bless and amazed when I stand back only to realize that these people are all doing this because they believe in me. But what makes me most happy is they each walk away with something  as well. 

It's overwhelming and humbling to say the least. I think when you manage to cultivate for yourself a group of genuine and talented friends, any collaboration would be no less than pleasurable and a joy to be a part of.

These friends constantly inspire me and encourage me to strive for more every day.

Monday, June 14, 2010

a full life living

so many people are stagnant. stagnant with the friends they have, the things they know, the things they do and their way of thought. nothing new flows into their circle of being, that injects fresh air into their placid little bubble world. they have the same friends they have always had. or no friends, and that never changes. they don't seek out interests outside of their own self-interest and only live day to day purely for function. there is no inspiration or aspiration outside of their immediate needs, desire, or ambition. nothing changes.

I am not speaking about contentment. though contentment can be a byproduct of stagnation, it comes from being perfectly happy with the changes and things that are happening to us right now because change is a part of life. Once we learn to accept that, we start to feel content.

but the stagnant ones. I avoid them like the plague. I cannot be surrounded by a group of like-minded individuals who all think like me or have the same background and opinions as myself. I see it as a slow decapitation of my imagination, growth and happiness.

some people have friends purely for companionship. purely to do things with. they are comfortable doing things with people that they have known for a long period of time. whom they may not have any sort of substantial connection with except for the convenience of proximity and the illusion of a long-built history. a shared history gives us the illusion of closeness. this is the biggest fallacy of all social fallacies.

we had a picnic this past weekend. and were pleasantly interrupted by what seemed to be a group of teenagers. their demeanor was pleasant, so i spoke to them more. i love asking questions and soon found out they were homeless. they were homeless little gypsies just living day to day. one told me about how he had blown his full-scholarship to college and his regrets. he showed me his tattoo across his chest. the girl of the group had the most beautiful rings on her finger. she told me about how she was engaged to be married to the other long-haired boy in the group. they shared their thoughts with me and for a moment i was outside of myself, learning about something so beyond my comprehension. they were beautiful happy souls. I looked at it as a lucky happenstance. like when a butterfly lands on the flower appliqué of your dress, and for a moment you get the precious chance to see, at close range, the details on its wings.

Puerto Rico

taking the subway to JFK airport

my travelling outfit

our beautiful hotel entrance

the interior view of the rooms from the courtyard

pigeons everywhere

beautiful old san juan

an architectural memorial to a miracle that occurred

our hotel

the colorful houses

the breathtaking scene by the cemetery in old san juan. i want to be buried here.

see you around!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Hanged Man, Francesca Lia Block.

"You probably need a break," the man says. "To drive to the beach. Get some air at least."

I notice that his lips are full, different from the rest of his face.

Maybe it is his voice. Or that hospitals are supposed to make people horny. Or that it's the biggest rebound of my life with my father in there dying. But I wish this man would come over to me and press his mouth to my mouth and hold the balls of my shoulders, hold them as if he could crush them to splinters in his hands....

He unbuttons his shirt and takes it off. His body is smooth and defined.

"Is this okay?" he asks, his voice suddenly even softer as he lays the shirt out on the dry grass. "Are you scared?"

"Yes. But I want to be here."

He sits down and takes my hand, pulling me down beside him. Then he kisses my cheek, my neck. I turn up my face to him and he kisses my mouth, catching my lower lip with his teeth the way you would a piece of fruit.

"I've wanted you since the hospital," he says. "You looked so little sitting there. I wanted to take you to the ocean. You look like you should be in the water. Like a mermaid."

"No," I say. "No tail." I pull the antique silk skirt up above my knees.

I am so wet that when he touches me his hands slip down my hipbones, my sunken belly and between my thighs. I feel something under me and arch up and reach around and find a ring....I feel his body on top of me--his crushing shoulders, the ledge of his hips, his bruising thighs. I know I will be bruised tomorrow. Blood roses will bloom under my skin.

Thursday, June 3, 2010


"The city, with it's people who saw you but didn't know you, who touched you but didn't feel you, who heard you but didn't understand you, was far away." Horses Are a Girl's Best Friend, from Blood Roses

I finally understand why they say New York is such an isolating city. There seems to be this wall between you and any one you meet. A barrier almost impossible to breach, but oh so vital to your survival in the city. It's a tough rough world. So you develop this invisible armour or otherwise the daily grind, the competition, the hundreds of others who could do your job better than you for less than you, and the ones waiting for you to fall would just break you to pieces. There is an undercurrent of angst and fear here. No one wants to miss out on anything, yet they fear they forever will. Everyone wants to be on top of everything, but there is an infinite mass to compete with. Life is too fast here. No one stops to smile to a stranger; It's counterproductive and a waste of time. No "have a nice day"s here. Being nice is a waste of time. Genuinely caring about something other than preserving your precious little ego is a forgotten act. Like one day waking up and forgetting how to ever ride a bike or play the piano.

The people here are armoured with an invisible exoskeleton, yet they are the most fragile people I have ever met. I sense their insecurity from a mile away. And they act out from that place of fear to protect themselves. The more they act out, the more fragile they really are, unable to cope with their own flaws and imperfections. Unable to accept that those flaws and imperfections is what makes them beautiful and sets them apart from the rest of cold hard New York.

your journey's been etched on your skin.

I need to write more. I need to get back to the basics of what makes me happy. Since when did shopping and spending my hard earn money become such a source of pleasure. It's never lasting though. Not like the companionship and support of a good friend.

We used to take the tops of acorns, after they fell, fill it with some water from the well and pretend to have a tea party with fine chinas and french pastries. We used to pour salt on the slugs in my grandfather's garden and watch intently as they would leave a large puddle of slime as they tried to escape. I don't think the salt harmed them. They had too much slime to protect themselves. We used to play out scenes of famous kongfu movies with fake plastic swords. Of course, I'd always had to win. I wouldn't participate if it was any other way. We used to put on little puppet shows at night and charge my parents a nickel to see our show. I used to sit and draw pictures all day instead of paying attention in class. My best subject was the backs of people. I was amazing at drawing the back of their heads. The front was so much harder because you had to get the eyes and nose and mouth perfectly symmetric or else they ended up looking retarded or physically deformed.

I used to sketch my hands and write poems that didn't rhyme. I didn't believe in onomatopoeia. I still don't It is against my nature. Even though I love music and music isn't good if it doesn't rhyme. Music is the best poems.

I used to collect our old cans to give to my cousin, so he can get money back and buy us all candy. I used to wish for a bike every time I blew out my birthday candles consecutively for two years. When my mother was younger she was bedridden for a few months because she was so sick, that we she finally got better, she forgot how to ride a bike.

Those are all the stories I can think of right now. Everything in life is so transient. Nothing lasts forever does it. Not even our fondest memories.

August 31st, 2007


first day back at the office and this arrived:

peonies are my favorite.

The music was so intense. I didn't want to share it with anyone. So I opened the window and went out to the fire escape to be alone with the sound. I licked my lips. Eternally chapped.

avalanche what being away for a week and coming back to over 200 messages in your inbox, a lookbook to plan, a happy hour to run, and a team to update feels like.

oh i feel a re-occurring night mare coming on. or a nervous breakdown. which is a good excuse to run 6 miles tomorrow.

silver lining in the clouds, right?

oh and our return flight got cancelled on our puerto rico trip, so we stayed an extra night in my dream hotel and was given the next day's flight out on business class. i knew i should have taken advantage of the open bar!!

pics and stories when i break even.