Monday, July 26, 2010

rosegold shawna heels

I can see myself wearing these with a dainty floral skirt, or a leather skirt. It's versatile and can be dainty or fierce. 

On Urban Outfitters its $168, but I got it for $77 on Tobi because they currently have a additional 30% off on sale items. Only size 8.5 left.

new blue shoes

i have a lot of  blue shoes. in fact i have mostly blue and red tone shoes, now that i look at my closet.

had my eyes on these Marais-USA kitten heels in colbalt blue for a while, every since I saw them at Urban Outfitters a few months back. I decided against it at the time, but whilst strolling through the trendy neighborhood of Bethesda, Maryland, I spotted these again months later for about 45% off, and only one left in my size. It was a sign. I snatched it up and wore it the next day.

I cannot take them off.

bon voyage

It was my girlfriend's birthday/goodbye party this past weekend. We had glorious drinks after drinks at PS7. After swearing off planning things forever, I couldn't resist the chance to organize a group gift for the birthday girl. Over 10 people chipped in to get her something from Louis Vuitton. I used a wrapping paper with a map of the world printed on it and topped it off with a large extravagant satin bow.

Needless to say, I think gifts mean so much more when its a concerted group effort. It carries all the love and good karma from each and every giver.

Monday, July 19, 2010

the pain you carry

we are full of wants. some are better at attaining their desires that others. but what you want isn't always want you need.

i can't give you what you want, you have to get it for yourself, but i do know that you need to speak up. when you speak up, you are articulating what is in your heart. when you keep quiet or when you lie, saying something like "I'm okay, it's nothing," you create for yourself a barrier between your desires and yourself. and so i see the pain that you carry from denying yourself so many opportunities to be happy. i know you want it intensely. i can see it in your eyes that you just want to be happy. simple enough.

but happy comes at a price. happy comes when you are finally able to admit to yourself and others exactly what is it that you desire.

i hope one day you will be able to face yourself and face the truth and finally get what you need.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

here i am!

My apologies for slacking so much on the updates. Life has gotten the best of me lately. I do miss this blog and you guys a lot. I wonder if anyone misses me? Oh what does it matter. It started out as an outlet for my to express myself and I find I only ever update when something is troubling me, or provoking me to the point where I can no longer keep quiet.

Makes me think of Lady Gaga's tattoo: "In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer, and ask yourself, must I write?"

I will die if I were not allowed to express myself through words, as limiting as they are, next to songs and pictures, they are my favorite medium. So I will squeeze in some time, so precious time, to hone my craft, and pour something out of my brain. From here on out. Until the next time I go MIA.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

i think the most peaceful way to exist is to try to be conscientious of our actions whenever possible so as to not cause any pain or hurt to others. and to realize that when we hurt, we retaliate in extreme and subtle ways that we may not even realize.

i think we are all doing our best to be happy. and a little self awareness and accountability for our actions and their consequences (their effects on others) goes a long way and can prevent harm.

it's hard for me to believe in the good in others when they refuse to see it in me and pigeon hold me to a limited concept. to generalize based on one instance is the biggest form of ignorance. to accept that no one is perfect and even those dearest to you can screw up is divine.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

like tearing off a limb

oh i couldn't leave this weekend. it was so splendid being in his arms. right where i belong. the sweltering heat didn't bother us. i wanted to stay there forever. our bed was on the edge of the world.

my new ring. i think its a phoenix.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

To change skins, evolve into new cycles...

To change skins, evolve into new cycles, I feel one has to learn to discard. If one changes internally, one should not continue to live with the same objects. They reflect one's mind and psyche of yesterday. I throw away what has no dynamic, living use.
- Anais Nin

I feel it again. A little late since the new season has begun, but I feel renewed. I don't know how to explain it. But I've come to a screeching halt, finally able to rest upon stillness and peace. There is chaos around me, as there always will be, but inside me is calm. I don't know how it happened, but I stopped wanting--needing to feel alive, adored, to be the epicenter of excitement. To be in control. 

There are things that used to appeal to me. Used to make me feel so invisible if I missed out. And then I missed out. And I didn't feel any loss or forgotten. I did not want it or cared for it anymore.

I want to be a source of peace. I don't want to cause pain or hurt. And if I cannot avoid it, I will remove myself from the equation. You can't please every one, it's true, and neither will the most amicable person get along with every one. There is no use forcing it. But you have to please yourself first and foremost.

I find myself for lack of want. Want of new friends. Want of love. Want of attention. I don't need it any longer. Because those things came from beyond me, they will always be beyond me. I have no desire to seek out new friendships, but if they come I welcome it with open arms. It's not being elitist. It's realizing how lucky and blessed I am to have such amazing people in my life and realizing that I need to nourish what I already have. 

It's realizing that I already have everything I ever needed.