we are full of wants. some are better at attaining their desires that others. but what you want isn't always want you need.
i can't give you what you want, you have to get it for yourself, but i do know that you need to speak up. when you speak up, you are articulating what is in your heart. when you keep quiet or when you lie, saying something like "I'm okay, it's nothing," you create for yourself a barrier between your desires and yourself. and so i see the pain that you carry from denying yourself so many opportunities to be happy. i know you want it intensely. i can see it in your eyes that you just want to be happy. simple enough.
but happy comes at a price. happy comes when you are finally able to admit to yourself and others exactly what is it that you desire.
i hope one day you will be able to face yourself and face the truth and finally get what you need.