Home. I don't miss it. I am trying to find my own home, if such an idea even exists. New York doesn't feel like home yet. I feel like I will find something that resonates to me here if I was to ever find it, but right now it's still an untamed creature that I've yet to understand, with so many complexities and twist and turns. I am learning a lot. About the people here, the mentality, the way things work around here. I don't ever want to tame New York, but I wouldn't want it to tame me neither. I've seen so many people lose that glimmer in their eyes in exchange for the cold hard stares and stiff mouths. Just about everyone here is cold and apathetic. They call it being cautious. But it really is more like self defense. Why is everyone here so scared for?
I digress. Sometime I wonder if I will ever feel like I belong. If the people who love me will not just put up with me because they love me, but can also connect with me because they speak my language. I am an oddity. I have never felt like my thoughts or words have ever come out as eloquently as the next. I don't know how to be myself because I have always tried to live up to someone else's idea of what a girl like me should be like. That's it. That's what home should be; pure acceptance. You as yourself and no one else, as you like it.