Monday, August 8, 2011

being married and wedding advice


Maid of honor, reporting for duty.


With the cutest flower girl ever, besides me, when I was one a long time ago. 






We returned from Asia to witness the marriage of one of my best friends. I had more than a few moments of teariness, but it was a beautiful thing to witness. The dress was stunning, and just as she liked.

A wedding can be as beautiful as it can be stressful and dramaful, especially when you have a bunch of women working together. If they are Asian, well the drama is inevitable. What is it about us Asians that make us want to draw claws? I say this because it felt unavoidable that no matter how much effort was put in, within everyone's personal capacity, it is never enough. I say this because, unsurprisingly, I heard a complaint thrown my way. Eh, I was out of the country. What did you expect?

This made the idea of a wedding all the more unattractive. The day I wed is going to be a day with no negativity. I will not stand for it. I want to think back and remember the amazing time, and not the drama. But if I had it my way, I would just want to stay engaged (with a big beautiful ring) forever. Weddings are getting a bit over-rated now and have become one big showcase. I don't need a wedding to be wed. He loves me and I, him. That is more than any one could ask for.

But then again....

I have been obsessed with these two wedding videos all day. One is of Coco Rocha's wedding in France, and one is of a lovely and amazingly creative couple:






It's easy to get too caught up in your merriment that you forget about other priorities when it comes to planning your wedding. Some key things that I think to-be-wed couples should keep in mind are listed below. This is advice coming from someone who's been in a few wedding parties, herself and is sort of hopelessly obsessed with having her dream wedding one day.

Believe it or not, it's not all about you. If your parents chipped in, if you have a big wedding party, if you have over 100 guests... hate to break it to ya, but the wedding is no longer about just the two of you. So skimping over details such as seating, quality of food, music, or preparing introductions for parents will surely make those who were a big part of why your wedding is happening feel a bit overlooked. Don't forget that it is a big celebration of your love and you (or your parents) are throwing a party. So think of yourselves as the hosts and give your guests one hell of a show and a good time.

Clearly articulate your expectations. When you ask someone to be a part of your wedding, tell them exactly how much work you will expect from them and what is expected to be done. It's important to have these expectations clearly defined as to not have apprehensions later when delegating tasks. They were all clearly warned beforehand, and you will only have yourself to blame if you didn't.

Keep it simple. There's no need for a big show to show off your love. We get it, that's why we're here. No need for big dance numbers or entrances. Just be honest, put in a lot of personal touches that show off your personalities, be real and we'll totally cry our eyes out at how genuine your love is. We don't need any convincing.

Don't forget to have a good time, too. Some couples exhaust themselves out so much trying to stick to a tight schedule all day that by the time dinner is over, they can't even be bothered to dance. This is a big mistake because the dancing portion of the evening is when most of the interactions/intermingling with guests will happen. And what is the point of coming to your party to celebrate with you when, well, we can't? Try to not over-exhaust yourselves by doing too much on the day of, and think of the dancing as a stress reliever. It is also what will cap off the night for most of your guests, so make sure the ending is sweet. Some couples like to dip out early citing exhaustion, but personally, that's just bad planning and etiquette. 

Wedding party, not personal bitches. Sometimes we get a frugal couple. And there is nothing wrong with that, but when a wedding is done on the cheap, the wedding party ends up bearing the burden of whatever corners are cut. It doesn't need to be said that that can lead to a bit of resentment and complaints from said party. And when they do complain, listen. Never ever lecture or say things like, "Well you guys are our friends, you're supposed to help us out and do favors for us unconditionally."  There are people who unconditionally help out others without complaint, never putting themselves first. Those are called pushovers. Your friends are not pushovers nor should they expected to be. They are here, doing you the favor of being a part of your special day, making sure it goes off without any hiccups. So a little appreciation and thought, and less feelings of entitlement might save you a lot of drama.

People, personal touches, party. It's all about the P's! So my final thought here is that as as long as you keep your guests in mind (people) and your wedding party (also people), add personal touches that makes your wedding unique and memorable, you will end up with a great celebration (party) that is most likely unforgettable.

And one last P! Get a planner!! Don't try to plan your wedding all on your own because you just can't. I'm gonna tell you now, it is impossible for you and your wedding party to do this. Otherwise you will end up doing a lot of the planning (or the wedding party will), and that will just end in disaster as someone will surely be blamed if something falls through. So much tit for tat that it is just not worth it.


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