Monday, July 30, 2012

crazy, like some animal

Oh, I don't mean you're handsome, not the way people think of handsome. Your face seems kind. But your eyes - they're beautiful. They're wild, crazy, like some animal peering out of a forest on fire. —Charles Bukowski

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Moonrise Paradise

You must see this. New favorite movie from Wes Anderson, which replaced The Royal Tenenbaums. 

"I love you but you don't know what you're taking about." - Best line

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Quarter-Life Crisis:

Nothing good gets away

On love. From John Steinbeck.

"And don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens -- The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away."

One of my favorite authors is John Steinbeck. He has the power to tell the story that is a century long. East of Eden felt all at once prolific, epic, and sentimental. It made me think of my family and the legacy that my grandparents had left behind. We still live with their ghosts, their choices, every day. So my children's children will have to make sense of this life that I am leading one day. They will be a product of everything that I am one day.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012


There she was, shipwrecked among the white sand and sapphire waves. She was worn from traveling so many miles, but all her pieces remained in tact. She sat there silently, watching the horizon, testing her eyes to see how far they could see. She imagined a man on the shoreline, the last lover she ever had. There had been many but the most memorable ones would always be the very first and the last. One represented where she had started, freshly painted and new, ready and eager to travel the world. The other was a result of the first and the many after him, who set everything in motion to get her here lost on this empty serene shore.

At the end of the day, it was the wind that finally decided where she would end up, but it was her resolve that kept her from falling apart.

San Francisco Food Edition

Betelnut - asian fusion. highly recommended for brunch 

Adult dinner of chicken and brussel sprouts. In addition to gouda and bread.

It was nice to be able to sip on a coconut and pretend to be somewhere tropical for a moment.

Amanda and I walked San Francisco for 3 hours. I was so lucky to have such an adventurous companion to explore with.

Bouche: a bit overpriced for elf-size portion dishes that we mediocre.

Japacurry truck: heaven on wheels

Gary Danko - I figure for our 3 year milestone (neither of us has ever reached this point in our previous relationships), I would flip the script and take him out to a nice restaurant. Apparently Gary Danko is the best in San Fran. We were so impressed with the service, food and general atmosphere. I would not hesitate to go back. Am so in love with this place and the lover, who kept saying he isn't easily impressed, was immensely impressed.

Tuna tartare

soft shell crab


thai coconut seafood curry

lobster & grits


pork belly

an anniversary treat from Gary Danko

and even more treats, compliments of the chef!

Wine tasting in Napa

northern style pho at Turtle Pho, this was very interesting

The ferry building had regular food stalls, which we were more than happy to try out!

Fried chicken sandwich from 4505 Meat

Blue Bottle Coffee expresso - it was epic strong

The House - raved reviews, but I didn't think it was all that.

I hope you didn't get too hungry!!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

faraway love

Long distance is pretty hard to do. And as the lover is now on the west coast for his summer internship, it gets even harder. I fell in love with San Francisco when I visited two weeks ago. A handful of friends were already there so it felt like a home away from home. I also got to reunite with some friends that we had made when we lived in Shanghai last summer. 

There was an official adult dinner that the lover's room mate hosted and we talked about adult things like work. I tried my best to stay awake.

Then there was the food, which I ate very well and too much of every single day. The food in San Francisco is as good as it gets when it comes to diversity (Asian food). Expect an official food post to come up soon.

+ + + + + + +

I found my dreams
but the moon took me away
It lifted me up to the firmament
and suspended me there

I saw how my heart had fallen
on your path
singing a song

Between my love and my heart
things were happening which
slowly slowly
made me recall everything

You amuse me with your touch
although I can’t see your hands.
You have kissed me with tenderness
although I haven’t seen your lips
You are hidden from me.

But it is you who keeps me alive

-from Rumi

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

A Relationship with Women

Image from The Conversation on Lifetime; Demi Moore, Arianna Huffington, & Amanda de Cadenet (How amazing does Demi look, btw?!)
I have always been fascinated by the relationship of women, whether it be the one I have with myself, my mother, best friend, female boss or the girl who is now dating my ex. The dynamics are so intriguing and so telling of what kind of women we are and how we see ourselves in the world. Relationships with men are often times a distraction from exploring that more important one that we have with ourselves.

Too often, women let that one relationship with her man take over 80% of her free time. There are more rewarding relationships out there than the ones that lead to marriage, ladies. Why is it that women shun themselves from developing such deep connections with their very own gender, and focus so much of their efforts in pursuit of trying to find that One? Love comes in many different forms, and The One isn't the only type of love, and it is not the most fulfilling. Big harsh fact of life here, but someone has to tell you. Some of you may doubt me now even, but you will experience it and see what I mean.

Here's what I know as a twenty something with a gaggle of girlfriends; life long girlfriends, girlfriends who have been single since they were born, serial monogamous, free spirits, and girlfriends who are married or divorced. (Yes, sadly in my twenties, I have girlfriends (some are younger than myself), who are now divorced. Symptomatically, it was because they had spent their entire twenties searching for the ideal soul mate in the ultimate suburban girl's quest for marriage and immerse their every waking moment, their whole life around the idea and that "soul mate.")

Wait a minute. We are only in our twenties. Are we supposed to know who we want to spend the rest of our lives with before we even know what our career path will be? Better yet, before we even know who the f*ck we are? No wonder why divorce rates are so high. And if you are one of my female readers reading this, and you are married or engaged, in about 4-5 years or less, half of you will be divorced. You won't even see it coming.

I digress. Here's what I know: I'm right at the point where my girlfriends have been mature enough to have a hold of some substantial relationships, lasting two or more years, but right now, those relationships are ending, just like everything that eventually run its course due to uninformed life decisions (or inexperience in general). Within the last couple of months, more than a handful of girl friends have emerged from their dark relationship caves and found the light of singledom to be a bit more glaring than they had remembered. Is this a coincidence that their "sure things" are imploding from the inside all around the same time? They've more or less reached out to me, with the new void that their ex has left, and all I can do is be benevolent with my time, despite the years of neglect. I tell them nicely, I will be there for you, but unlike a doormat, if you disappear on me again, I can't afford to invest any more of my precious time and energy. 

Olivia Wilde's conversation with Amanda de Cadenet explains her ongoing journey of self discovery after her divorce. The world opens up to you once you learn to be independent from that relationship [with a man].

Why is a relationship with females more rewarding? Because you don't owe each other anything, but to be honest with each other. Whatever we say to you, it won't be because we are trying to get into your pants (unless we are one of those). Once you take sex out of the equation, things are so much clearer.

Because she is as much of a reflection of you as how you treat her. Insecurity, jealousy, competitiveness are all natural in human beings, but when it is maliciously done to bring other women down, it is unhealthy. We have to ask ourselves why? Why can't I connect with other women, what stops me from seeing another beautiful strong woman them as a friend or mentor, rather than foe? Why is my immediate reaction to be on guard? Society has made it natural to attribute women as catty, and most of us are, or were growing up. The emphasize on our beauty and its correlation to our self-worth and oftentimes, success in the work place pits us against one another, naturally. But the truth is, when we support one another, we become stronger ourselves. We value ourselves more when we can see value and worth in other without letting it make us feel insufficient. Female relationships are hard, but everything worth while is.

Because we have been there, done that, have the same exact fears, hate the same body parts, and envy and compare what we lack to that supermodel as well. The comfort from knowing that you are not alone in your mild obsession for perfection and guilty pleasures...ah the bonding bliss.

Anyone will inherently acknowledge that the world in which women exist is a completely different one than of our male counterpart's. They say that it is the "men holding us down," when in actuality it's the women. We are more detrimental to our kind and we perpetrate slut-blaming more than men do.

By seeing each other as friends rather than foe, as sisters rather than competition, we can learn so much from one another. Female bonds are stronger than male bonds in we share more openly with each other. It can be a double edge sword. But when women bond together, our confidence in ourselves grow and men get away with less. Which leads me to my story:

Let's imagine that there this very cohesive group of guys who have been friends since high school and college. They are decent enough; well mannered and polite, respectful and successful. Add to the group one or two ladies who have also been with the group of a long time, enjoy a status akin to a "bro" but not really because to the real bros she will always have a virginia (did that on purpose). They like to party together and when they do, they bring those of the opposite sex into the mix. The ladies though, come from all sorts of backgrounds and different groups. Most meet for the first time at these parties and have no pre-existing bond or interactions. This is how it is for a long time, there is a steady flow of ladies who come and go, but none long, or they disappear intermittently, but it is never long enough to form a friendship with one another. All is well, until we look closer. The guys freely fraternize with some of these girls, who from shame will disappear, never to be seen again; mission accomplished, boys. But then there will be instances where a lad will liaise with two girls (on different occasions, of course) who happen to be friends (first, question, who would hook up with her girl friend's crush? A guy would never to do that, so why is it like that for girls?). Or a girl and a guy will hook up for a consistent amount of time, and suddenly "fall out." What happens in a male dominated group is that the female's side is rarely ever heard, or the females do not bond together enough to denounce, so to speak, the guy's actions. There is power in number and when your actions get called out by more than one person, you have nothing to hide. So the boys continue on, sleeping with who they want, not caring for the consequences, because these girls are practically clawing at each other for their attention.

Sad scenario right? I'm afraid to tell you that this is one is based on true events.