Sunday, September 16, 2012

alone; by courage by chance

I'm single. For the first time since I was 17 years old. It was a conscious decision made easier by a restless stirring deep in my bones. (But I cry every time I think about him.)

I have always equated being single to being alone. To having no one to love. So I've always avoided it. Now, as I reject being in love, I find myself in lack of actual time alone.

Some interesting creatures have found me, some by pure luck, some reached out after hearing the news. I've been here, on this platform between the fourth and fifth floor, studying since 10:50AM. In this terminal, we are both studying quietly. We'll be here for another 5 hours, this new friend and I.

Though I'm grateful for the company, I almost wonder why it is that I can't even be by myself after forcing myself to be alone, even if this all happened by chance and I didn't go looking for it. Well here he is, my new study buddy.

It's time to surrender to the fact that people will always find me by courage or by chance. And I should just embrace every instance. I am a passive receptor. You can come find me.

C'est la vie.


mwong said...

Being single doesn't equate to loneliness (although, I'm lonely from time to time - but that's because I'm inherently a hermit). When you're single, you can (and should) surround yourself with great friends. It's a time to be free, if but momentarily, to discover your own limits.
You're stronger than you think you are.

mwong said...

(I don't know if my previous comment posted)
Being single doesn't equate to loneliness (I've been single all my life and occasionally lonely, but I think that's b/c I'm inherently a hermit and a misanthrope). When you're single, you can (and still should) surround yourself with friends, new and old. Being single means that you can find your own limits, nurture your own soul, and live selfishly.
You have more strength than you think.