I was a tomboy

3:21 AM

The holidays give me insomnia. Every year. It never fails.

Chopin: my childhood with my overbearing mother. Little dresses that I abhorred wearing. I used to hate dresses as a child. And the color pink. All girly things. I got a Barbie when I was 7 and I almost threw her away. All I wanted was a bicycle. For two consecutive birthdays I had wished for one. When it finally arrived in all its glory I took off the training wheels and fell over a hundred times everyday until I finally mastered how to ride a bike. Scraped knees were a daily accessory. As well as salting slugs, burning ants, building forts and making LEGO villages with my cousins. I don’t know when I stopped being a tomboy and became a girl. I know I only started liking pink when I got to college. But before then I had already started hi-lighting my hair and teaching myself how to wear make up. I miss being a tomboy. I miss hating dresses.

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Lovely One

2:12 AM

Lovely one,
Just as on the cool stone
Of the spring, the water
Opens a wide flash of foam,
So is the smile of your face,
Lovely one.

Lovely one,
With delicate hands and slender feet
Like a silver pony,
Walking, flower of the world,
Thus I see you,
Lovely one.

Lovely one,
With a nest of copper entangled
On your head, a nest
The coloUr of dark honey
Where my heart burns and rests,
Lovely one.

Lovely one,
Your eyes are too big for your face,
Your eyes are too big for the earth.

There are countries, there are rivers,
In your eyes,
My country is your eyes,
I walk through them,
They light the world
Through which I walk,
Lovely one.

Lovely one,
Your breasts are like two loaves made
Of grainy earth and golden moon,
Lovely one.

Lovely one,
Your waist,
My arm shaped it like a river when
It flowed a thousand years through your sweet body,
Lovely one.

Lovely one,
There is nothing like your hips,
Perhaps earth has
In some hidden place
The curve and the fragrance of your body,
Perhaps in some place,
Lovely one.

Lovely one, my lovely one,
Your voice, your skin, your nails,
Lovely one, my lovely one,
Your being, your light, your shadow,
Lovely one,
All that is mine, lovely one,
All that is mine, my dear,
When you walk or rest,
When you sing or sleep,
When you suffer or dream,
Always,
When you are near or far,
Always,
You are mine, my lovely one,
Always.


By Pablo Neruda


Oh this kind of love. Isn't it so grand?

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drops of a roller coaster

4:34 PM

this was a great film. i liked and disliked the protagonist. she is a coward. quietly going through life detached from the love around her, waiting for it to sweep her off her feet or fall suddenly into her lap. expecting love to feel like the drops of a roller coaster. i'm sorry but you can't experience g-force everyday. that's just not realistic. some days it feels like that, most days it won't. if you want something go after it. but happiness isn't something you can find. you kind of have to accept it. its always been there, you just have to let yourself be in the moment and believe that you earned it. I think that's the hardest part for some people; accepting that they deserve to be happy and that they can be and they don't need to do anything to get it. it just requires being present and appreciating the life that you have.

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Cray

2:22 PM

Currently reading The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson. Amazing book. I can't put it down. The writer is British, so expect wit along the lines of Catch-22, but don't be fooled. The topics are tough. I had a nightmare last night about a serial killer and it was not fun. Having always been fascinated by the mentally deranged though, it was still a fascinating journey and a great read.

Enjoy.

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Don't just dream in your sleep that's just lazy

4:24 PM

“You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.”

DEAR SUGAR, The Rumpus Advice Column #64: Tiny Beautiful Things - The Rumpus.net

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Victo Ngai

3:37 PM

I discovered Victo Ngai from tumblr. And then to my delight discovered that Victo is very much a woman (Victoria) and not a man. Oh her work is fantastic and dreamsical and fanciful. She has had this piece published in The New Yorker. Prestigious, but I agree with Ray Brabury when he says that most of their stories put you to sleep. They do.

She is having a print giveaway on her blog. If I don't win this piece, I'm just going to have to drop $95 and buy one for myself. So gorgeous.

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This Saturday

2:55 PM

If you are in the area, I highly suggest you stop by. My non-profit is hosting a charity shopping event with Nicole Miller. There will be gift bags, champagne, cupcakes, and charity. Feed your soul as you also embrace the inevitable consumer monster that you must become during this holiday season. I promise you will feel better after.

Love,

SL

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picture cravings

10:01 PM

This blog is really lacking in pictures isn't it? I kind of like it that way. I don't like to post too many images of myself on here but rather the focus be on the content (the grammatically troubled content). But if you are craving for visual window you can always follow me on instagram at Joliesa_Marie.

SL

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03: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

3:48 PM

Everything is good for you in moderation. Drugs and alcohol carry negative connotations because of their high potential to be abused, often times by those who are not emotionally stable or in the best situations. It's like an obese person eating himself to death but overeating was never a crime. It is a slippery slope because casual recreational use of either can lead to a dangerous and destructive relationship, but not in every case. You just have to know if you have an addictive personality and regulate yourself. That's not to say we can all be trusted to regulate ourselves...but the argument is the same with alcohol and what is the appropriate legal age should be.

I don't think drugs are bad. I think that dependency on it becomes very dangerous. As someone who appreciates art, I understand that many artists use drugs recreationally and have created some of their best work while under the influence. Jean Cocteau, Charles Baudelaire, Aldous Huxley, Jack Kerouac, Coleridge...just to name a few.

The world has benefited immensely from works such as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, On the Road, and Requiem for a Dream.

In art it helps us achieve a higher altered state. In health, it has helped numerous suffering from debilitating pain.

Everything is good for you in moderation. But once you go down the rabbit hole, you may never come back and some are not prepared for that sort of free fall.

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