Friday, January 6, 2012

Inner Ugly

This post is not about inner beauty nor embracing it. It is about my encounter with someone with a [glaring] lack thereof. A note about your intuition; It is always right! I use to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and I hate that phrase because it falsely gives positive connotations to, essentially, ignoring your gut feelings. Don't do it.

Insecurity comes in many many forms. And if you have what they lack, they will be more attracted to you. We are drawn to those who have what we wish existed in ourselves. That and those with similar hurts. Sometimes contradictory, but never mutually exclusive. This one, came in the guise of unconditional encouragement and compliments.

Synopsis: Met the sweetest girl who sniffs me out from mutual friends and Facebook. She bestows and disarms with compliments upon compliments like it was as abundant as cheap wine. This should have been my first clue. But I give her the benefit of the doubt and try not to be that paranoid weirdo.

Fast forward to months later at a party she willingly offers her place for. But none of her friends are there, only mines. She showers them with affection like they had been her best friend all her life. Then as the night progresses, and an intensive amount of alcohol consumed, the veil slowly melts away like the heavy make up upon her face. Indescribable & indecent things occur. At first I turn away, but it quickly becomes apparent to everyone at the party and no one could overlook, no matter how hard they tried. there was no attempt at discretion.

I was shocked and appalled. Confused, I decided to sleep on it. Shocked that such behavior came from a woman, I lost just about all my respect for her. I do hold women to a certain standard and even higher ones of my friends. Needless to say, after much discussion I severed our ties. She promptly cancelled another party she was hosting just for me and my friends (sketchy much?) though there were still 3 other parties still for 3 others and just their friends...

So I got a glimpse of the toothy drooling monster that was always there, right beneath the surface, and all I wanted to do was run. Something inside me felt disgusted at the sight of her glaring flaws rather than empathy. Sure, pity was an afternote, but I failed to understand her desperation and lack of self respect.

Had I just failed a friend? Did I abandon someone who was essentially crying out for help/attention? The truth is, I did myself a favor. At the end of the day, she was not a close friend/core member. For the sake of my own sanity and self preservation, I decided this was not a battle worth fighting. I am also not presumptuous enough to think that I could help her.

At the prime of our adulthood, we are all so busy with our own issues and projects that we just don't have time to sort out another person's baggage. I would like to think that most of us have learnt how to cope and evolve from our past hurts by now, but if we have not, I think insurance will cover therapy.

End point, no one has time to fix you. Learn or find a therapist.

2012: demon(s) free year. Theirs and mine.


1 comment:

Margaret said...

I read this while checking email about what the message will be about tomorrow. Apparently, it's called "How Should You Treat a Banana?" and speaks of gentleness. The email reads, "Of course my title means that Gentleness is the act of treating others like they are bananas." I don't have any insightful comments for this post now, but it seems like there are many banana peoples out there walking around. I'll let you know if I hear particular insights. And then we should get together and catch up. :)

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